Opinions on English

English in Malaysia has been very much in the media recently. I find the discussions interesting, but also frustrating. It has come to the point where I feel the urge to put my oar into this seemingly murky waters.

I have said over and over again that our biggest problem with English in Malaysia is not that we don't KNOW it, its that we don't USE it.

Consider the following:

1. Even the average kampung person in Peninsular Malaysia would know the meaning of "Hello", "Hi", "How are you", "How much" etc. Anyone who finished primary school would know how to say the above. A higher majority would be able to say "I love you" just like an inordinate number of Malaysians know what "pyaar", "divana", "maaji" means, and even "ochaiyuk".
2. Anyone who did not cut school continuously half the time, for 6 years in Primary School and 5 years in Secondary School would be able to understand simple English. They might not understand native speakers who speak with strong accents, or too quickly, but they would be able to understand the general meaning of what they hear and read, provided they are common, simple English words, i.e. Queen's English.
3. University students in Malaysia, especially those in technical fields, use English references in the form of books and online references. They understand what they read and are even able to translate it into Malay for their assignments and academic papers (for those of you who still don't know, this is a common "trick" used by students so that can reproduce entire pages of those reference in their papers without being caught plagiarizing)
4. English movies are watched, understood and enjoyed at home and in the cinemas, even when the subtitles are absolutely atrocious, as still happens from time to time, though not as frequently as before.

So what IS this big drama about English?

The complaint from employers is that they can't employ fresh graduates because their English is bad, or they can't speak English. What do you want to bet that those same graduates, if given an objective English test, would be able to answer correctly on simple grammar? What do you want to bet that they can say "Yo man, wazzup" or "I'm gonna go home now" perfectly well, and even with an accent?

The problem is NOT grammar. We have gone through 11 years of grammar classes in school. The problem is usage. I am from Terengganu. That means that I have studied in classes where the students are 90 to 100% Malay throughout my mainstream education. I have never studied overseas. I am not a "mixed blood". I don't have high IQ. But I have scored in English throughout my secondary school and beyond. When I applied to local universities, I was met with blank disbelief when I showed that I achieved A1 in my English 1119, which I sat for when I was in Form 4, instead of Form 5 like everybody else. What made me different from everyone else around me? I have been asked "Jalini, why is your English so good", "Jalini, how can I speak English like you" and similar questions so many times I've lost count. I've had a lot of time to ponder, and come up with answers. The key is in some of the things I did differently:

1. I read English books voraciously, since Primary School. I cannot to this day live a single day of my life without a book. I still read English story books.
2. I was curious and made friends with the non-Malays in my class, with whom I spoke English.
3. I watch English movies on television, and I watch the actors' lips and listen carefully when they form the words, instead of reading the subtitle. My friends have discovered that I can't hear anything else when I'm watching TV, that's how much I concentrate.
4. I was active in debates, speech competitions, drama etc.
5. I wrote my diary in English since I was 8 years old. I sought out pen pals through Big Blue Marble. To this day, I chat and correspond with native speakers, and find channels (like this blog) to write.
6. When I had the opportunity to encounter native speakers, I actually sought out their friendship, and managed to copy their accents, learnt more about common usage and the finer points of etiquette, expressions and pronunciation.

I didn't do all of this with any clear objective in mind. It was almost accidental. There were also several things that I did NOT do:

1. I did NOT pay attention to those foolish people who laugh at me and call me names because I spoke English instead of Malay.
2. I did NOT put on airs just because my English is good. I just kept on learning and improving through the years.
3. I did NOT feel ashamed to speak English. I almost never consciously think about it, I just speak it every chance I get, read it at every opportunity, watch it, listen to it, write it, every chance I get.
4. I did NOT improve my English so that I can pass any exam. I aced the exams because I improved my English.

The reason for this minor obsession is the subject of a different blog. The net result of all this is that:

1. I read very fast -- I've had a lot of practice. This means I can study faster, absorb written information faster, and therefore don't need as much time for research as others.
2. I don't know much grammar. Perfect tenses confuse me no end. I just know when something sounds right, or when it sounds wrong, whether written or spoken. I speak and write English without thinking about the words, just the message. They come out right because I just "know" how its supposed to be expressed.
3. I can understand native speakers perfectly. More importantly, they can understand me. I can automatically mirror any English accent well enough that I usually impress the native speaker.
4. I can guess the spelling of most English words, and their meaning, because I would have encountered most of them in different contexts.
5. I was more valuable than others in any company I've worked with, I could contribute more in an area that is essential in all organizations, and therefore I had a secure job and could demand higher pay throughout the times I was interested in being employed.
6. I now make money from this skill. It is something I share that never diminishes, but improves with every sharing. It has become my life's work, and a lucrative one.

So, whats the point in writing all this? None of the things I did are difficult to do or costly. Books can be borrowed from the library, newspapers cost little, we all have television and radio. Even Internet access is so cheap and common now. The reason I'm writing this is to broadcast to all who might want to know that it is EASY to improve your English. You are the ultimate author of your destiny. All you have to do is create the environment. All you have to do is decide to take a few actions, do certain things a bit differently, and you can see tremendous improvement within 6 months.

Don't believe me? I can prove it. In fact, I AM the proof.

Oh these "challenging" times... the birthday introspection

It was my birthday last week. 2nd June to be exact. I find that its a good thing to have my birthday in the middle of the year. Its like a mid-year review. I've made a practice of thinking about all I have done, and considering whether its the way to go or if I should make changes to the overall plan.

Of course, this year I've had to make a lot more adjustments than other years. The "challenging times" have taken their toll. But, me being me, the ship is still afloat, I'm still moving forward, and reasonably at peace. Certain things shook my confidence a bit -- a bad review from a training program, a good and valued friend deciding to wind up his business, the staggering (to me) amounts I have and am still going to have to draw from my reserves.... stuff like that. I still come back to the same place though. Some people may call me stubborn (some people HAVE called me stubborn), but I still can only make the choices that I myself believe to be right. Me winding up my company because of a challenging year is ridiculous. Me not good at what I do is also a silly assumption. I have data to back that. 12 years' worth of feedback does not lie. Being replaced by teams is not evidence for lack of ability.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not perfect. That is all. Such a simple thing. Nobody is, so there's no cause for concern. The thing about doing more than one person usually does, I sometimes expect too much of myself and fall short. After all, I am encased in a human body, not a mechanical one. So I'm focusing (or rather, re-focusing) on what to do next. The eternal question, and one that needs to be answered every day.

I've also been faced with what I believe to be more than my share of negativity. People who go through life wanting a lot, not putting in the requisite effort to get it, and then feel dissatisfied and blaming everything else except their own false assumptions. Knowing that these people are melancholy does not help. However, that will not be a major concern for the future I think. My life path will be putting the balance right very soon. It is true that we have to be careful who we have around us. Negative people bring negative thoughts, and a mind filled with positive thoughts is essential for a positive life.

This month is my month of reflection. I re-evaluate the tenets of my life, and see if they are still true and if I have been true to them.

It is better to do business honestly
I have encountered situations where if I had been willing to pay a bribe, or otherwise engage in unethical behaviors, I would have been able to get lucrative contracts. I have purposely chosen not to do so. As a result, I have loyal clients who appreciate my integrity, and I have a host of people willing to work with me because if that integrity. It is a reputation that has incalculable value. There's also a more fundamental reason. This is not really a business I'm engaged in. It is a vocation. It tarnishes the end result - in my eyes and I believe in the yes of God - when I engage in non-ethical behavior.

I am now going to try to up the ante for myself a little. I have chosen not to work with people who do engage in such practices. Yes, I've made things more difficult for myself. This year, especially, there have been people telling me that this is the only way to get business, and I find them almost believable. However, in the end, I can only feel sorry for such. Doing right or doing wrong is a choice we all make for ourselves. I choose to do right as much as I can, where I can. This is one of the right things that I can do. I hope it compensates for any other right things that I can't do or haven't done.

Having my own business is still better for me than having a job
Yes, its more challenging, there are more risks, things will not always be good. That is a given. But I am better equipped to do this than many others. I have been prepared for it by my parents' upbringing, and by the path that I have chosen for myself all this while. It is like a marriage, and it IS for better and for worse. People who succeed and become rich start just the way I have started, and have faced much worse challenges without giving up. The key is not giving up.

So, yes, I have sent out resume's. But I do that from time to time, when I need external data on how much I am actually worth to organizations. Its been a steady rise all this while - my worth to companies that is. That is always reassuring to know.

Of course, all things are relative. If I am offered a position that would allow me to still carry out my vocation (this business that I have put my life blood into), albeit in slightly modified manner, with compensation that is too good to resist, I might accept. If there is a job out there that would fit me and my vision of my future, then, there is no reason to say no.

Balance is essential
I have lived a great part of my working life as a workaholic. Working day and night with no rest and no time to myself. Pushing myself to the limit of my endurance and beyond. Driving myself towards burnout.

After my last bout of vehicular accidents and illnesses, I have decided that I will take my well-deserved rest when I need it. That IS a correct decision, and I will continue to practice that. Oh, I still sleep less than 4 hours some nights, and 4 hours many nights of the week, but I know how long I can go on doing that, after which I need to get back on solid ground. I relax as I always have, with a book or a movie, sometimes with friends.

I had neglected my exercise, my eating regimen and my nutritional supplements for many months since late 2008, without quite realizing what I was doing. I need to get back on track or my health will suffer again and I will be of no help to anyone. And swimming, of course. Having grown up by the beach in Terengganu, water in all its beautiful forms have fascinated and soothed me, always. I am fortunate now to have arrived into an environment where I can accomplish this in comfort and reasonable happiness.

Put anxieties in their place, and focus on the job at hand
This I have always found difficult to do, and I still find it difficult. It is the difference between KNOWING how something should be done and actually being able to do it. I have always been an emotional person, although I have succeeded in putting it within reasonable limits of late. However, anxiety is an insidious thing -- difficult to control, combat or eradicate. I try to balance it out with positive opinions, but it does take its toll on me. It slows me down, it distracts, I find myself avoiding all reminders of it... but this is dangerous. It is especially dangerous because some of these anxieties stem from the job at hand, and if I avoid doing that, I avoid giving my clients their due.

So I push myself towards its completion regardless. The act of pushing is of course not enjoyable, and things don't flow as smoothly as those that I have no anxiety over. However, I find that the end result is usually better. Its probably because I agonize over it more, so whatever is done has more of my thoughts put into it. I go through it more slowly, so there are less mistakes.

I still haven't decided whether I should work towards eradicating this, or whether it is a positive contribution to my overall being. The jury's still out on this.

Seek and ye shall find
It is true. I seek mentors to bring me to the next mental plane, so that I can better utilize the powers of attraction, better control my spiritual relationships as well as personal ones, and I have come into contact with many potentials. 3 are in the short-list now. I am still not sure which will be the right one, but I have a suspicion... I think that the reason I held off on the first 2 potential mentors I met, was because they were not quite right for me. The last one had great potential.

Never stop learning
I've always had this hunger for knowledge, and I cannot go through many years without enrolling in something or other. While I was working in Architect firms I was studying Information Systems. While I was working in Training I sat in a lot of the training programs, and eventually completed my Masters. I have been itching to do my Doctorate, but I have yet to find the right research topic -- one I could competently research in, using as much as possible my participants as the sample population, and one I would not mind thinking about and researching on for at least 3 to 5 years, which is how long a serious doctorate / PhD would take me. Also, it needs to be a topic that would contribute to my vocation.

Now I am undertaking study towards the Project Mangement Professional certification by PMI. It is certainly challenging. But I decided to study this because there are gaps in my knowledge in this area, and once I fill in those gaps, I have added another area of specialization in which I could competently train others -- and this one is technical and valuable. It slakes my hunger for accumulating knowledge and skills, and this one would be able to contribute to my vocation as well.

I am still very far from "knowing everything" and "being good at everything", which was how I defined what I want to be "when I grew up" to my father when I was still very young, but I am making progress ;-)


Basically, those are the highlights of my review this year. A lot, but maybe still not enough. I'll write more if something else occurs to me.

Who Learns Most?

The picture here is from my latest training. This one is at Giant Melaka (thanks ever so much Abang Lee for the Tour Guide service hehehe, or I would have been totally lost over there). Its called "Kemasan Diri dan Etiket di Tempat Kerja" or, in short, GROOMING. Now if you've read my previous blog, there's no way I would like a program about Grooming. But I do deliver it. All this while, I have never managed to drum up any kind of enthusiasm for grooming myself, but I've been able to accept it as a necessary evil. Like it or not people do judge a book by its cover. I've spent years perfecting the fastest, easiest and most effective way of putting on make-up and looking good, because I hate wasting time doing it. What I've always done is share all those techniques, and of course, I understand very well the frustration and irritation of having to look good for others, so I can relate to it.

However, having been thrown into these programs mentally kicking and screaming, I have found that I am not proof to my own blandishments. Somehow, whatever I preach I have to believe, and one of the things I preach is that if you don't like something, then by all means, don't do it. But if you have to do it, then maybe you should learn to like it. My goodness, I am if anything the slowest learner on earth. It has taken me 20 years to learn this particular lesson that my mother has preached me from the day I turned 18.

You see, part of the program is convincing a group of front-liners that how they look and act is important to others, but, more to the point, important to themselves. I saw them reluctantly opening their (for some, first ever) make-up kit. Wielding their brushes and applicators timidly, trying to make the least impact possible on their face. That was a job of work let me tell you!

I cajoled them, I brought them step-by-step through the process. At the end of it I took their pictures and projected it on the screen. I showed them what they looked like, what they really look like after the makeover, and, they were amazed! You can see how suddenly everyone was sitting up straighter, smiling more, looking happier, more confident and more energetic. It was a revelation to them. Look at them! Aren't they all beautiful? I'm so proud of them I could burst!

I came out of that program with very good feedback. I know I'll be one of the trainers in demand for that particular program now. But I also came out of the program thinking very much about myself. I've never worn make-up except when I'm delivering training or attending meetings. I've never worn it for myself. Today I did, and guess what? I feel good! I feel happier, brighter, more joyful, I have more energy to face the day, I feel equal to the tasks ahead of me.

Go figure!

My Leaders of the Band

Leader of the Band



An only child alone and wild, a cabinet maker's son
His hands were meant for different work and his heart was known to none
He left his home and went his own and solitary way
And he gave to me a gift I know I never can repay

A quiet man of music denied a simple fate
He tried to be a soldier once but his music wouldn't wait
He learned his love through discipline, a thund'ring velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls, took me years to understand

Chorus:
The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instruments and his song is in my soul
My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band

My brother's lives were different for they heard another call
One went to Chicago and the other to St Paul
And I'm in Colorado when I'm not in some hotel
Living out this life I chose and come to know so well

Thank you for the music and your stories of the road
Thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go
Thank you for the kindness and the times when you got tough
And papa I don't think I've said I love you near enough

Chorus;
I am the living legacy to the leader of the band

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

My Leaders of the Band

My father told me when I was still in school that in his case, when he got his Degree, a good job in a big company and a good salary, it is something impressive because "ayah bapak orang kelaut" (nelayan la, pd sapa yg xtau). But, if my brother or I got degrees, good jobs in big companies and good salaries, its "biasa2 je" because "ayah awok dok gi kelaut". I remember how puzzled my brother and I were, and how we looked at each other, trying to understand what he's saying. The statement came as a complete surprise to both of us because thats what the whole generation of my family (my army of cousins) were all aspiring to -- striving to get into boarding schools, get good results in SPM and become Doctors, Lawyers, Engineers (thus gaining the approval of every "Mak Dara" in the country by doing so). So his statement was a complete puzzle to us. "What does he want then?" I can still remember my mind taking in the alienness of what he said. My brother (he's 4 years younger but always the one who thinks faster except when he panics) came up with the right answer. Business. "You have to PAY the salary" my father said. What a concept! The thought never crossed my mind even once before that -- that I should own a company that pays salary to others. I don't remember the date, the year, the month or anything. I remember we were in Kemaman, living in the Principal's quarters at Sek Men Chukai, so that means it was semester hols during Maktab time. Whenever it was, that day, my father made me an entrepreneur.

My grandfather on my mother's side was the only man to send his daughters to school in his whole village, the sneers of other villagers notwithstanding. He would visit their school every week to talk to the teachers and find out how they were doing. He had only daughters, no sons, so my mother and her two sisters were the only women from that whole village who went for teachers' training and my mother was the only one to University. It was their education that made it possible for all my cousins, my brother and myself to be born to better lives. When we were young, he was very fond of saying that if the teachers would accept him, he would like to go to school just like us. When any of us took up martial arts, especially silat, his reminder is just the same. The way of the future is the agility of the mind. "Kalu mmikir tu tajang, orang nok bung (bomb) pung dok jjadi apa, sohkang orang nok tikang". His favourite stories for his grandchildren, were of Sang Kancil, and how by its cleverness, it was able to overcome larger and more vicious opponents. He was a bit of a Sang Kancil himself, always one to be mischievious, teasing everyone including my very fierce late grandmother.

My father's father (the fisherman) prevented all his sons from ever stepping onto a fishing boat. He's fine if they want to play badminton or football, but was never happy even if they were just fishing by the river in hometown Seberang Takir. To him, being a fisherman, even one who owns his own fishing boats like him, has no everlasting future, being at the mercy of the weather every year. He was a man of few words but loud voice, but the times when he smiled were always when his sons had done well at school. The times when he stood in the doorway, his face like a thundercloud was when one of my uncles had been fooling around someplace / somehow. My father was eldest, so I had more opportunity to observe him than I did my other grandfather. His favourite reprimand "Doh guane mung? Nok jjadi oghang ke takmboh ning?" and then "Doh mung nok jadi oghang guane kalu bodo? Skoloh mmolek ah!" All my uncles but one became teachers. My father was a teacher too, for a while, and then went on to other things.

From stories told me by my grandfather and aunties (mom's side), it turns out that my great grandfather was a perfectionist. Among other things, he was a carpenter (tukang). My grandfather regularly got into mischief because he was always waiting for my great grandfather to finish chopping firewood, which took him ages. My great grandfather cannot even allow himself to chop wood for the kitchen fire without making sure that each stick of firewood is the same size as another. When I was studying architecture in UTM, I managed to put this in perspective. You see, the "tukang" from Terengganu built with wood panels (papan kembung / papan kembi) arranged between the frames of a house. These panels are sometimes ordered all the way from southern Siam, and would be constructed wherever the "tukang" is, then taken over by cart and sampan to the destination. The panels are assembled and as a test, the "tukang" would strike the finished wall really hard. The sound that comes from that strike should be a solid thump. If there is any rattling at all, out all the panels come and back he goes to do the work all over again. So I finally understood the underlying philosophy behind that particular story of my great-grandfather.

It was my grandparents' commitment to education on both sides of the family that brought my parents together in Sek Men Sultan Sulaiman. My mother the smallest one in class and also one of the fiercest, and my father the most articulate. My mother the serious one who doesn't back down and my father the popular debator / orator / writer. Once, their teacher asked everyone in the class to recite a "pantun", and my mother was not so good at that. So my father from his seat somewhere in the middle of the class, wrote one for her on a piece of paper and had it passed on to my mom in the front row. The "pantun" disappeared along the way, and was recited by someone else. My father kept on writing and passing them on until everyone on the "pathway" between his desk and hers had got their "pantun", and finally she got hers. My mom told me this story, and at some other time told me that they were not "serious" till university. Hah!

It is my father's articulation, my grandfather's agile mind (plus both their sense of humor), my mother's commitment to doing the best, and my great-grandfather's perfectionism that I carry in me. It is their genes that I proudly carry within me and on which I leverage to do what I do. My great grandmother, as well as my grandmother taught not only the Quran but well, basically, religious studies. They were physicians (with books and references brought down through generations, mind you!), and most importantly, teachers. Almost all of those books (kitab), some handwritten, were destroyed during the upheavel of British and Japanese occupations. But the blood carries on.

I was so trying to avoid becoming a teacher it was quite funny. I spent a lot of years avoiding becoming a teacher, then after my MBA, avoiding becoming a lecturer. I didn't want to have anything to do with teaching people. I was happily organizing training but I thought that well, at least I wasn't delivering them, but I got enveigled into it from time to time. I hated it for a while, but then something happened (another story) and suddenly, I fell in love. There I was, avoiding teaching for almost 10 years, and I end up becoming a trainer -- teaching people. Of course, as a trainer I don't get all the hassle, thanklessness and politics that I hated about the teaching field. I get to structure my classes the way I believe they should be and I get to do it in my own style, which I believe to be most effective. I have my feedback forms to prove that point. So I'm another one of my generation carrying on the family teaching tradition. Thats in my blood too.

So, yes, I see now that the leaders of the band in my family are getting tired. Both grandparents on my father's side has passed away, and now my father is getting forgetful, is deaf in one ear and is wearing adult diapers after his operation for prostate cancer. My mother (the youngest amongst her sisters) collapsed during Ramadan last year and for the first time had to call in outside help to get the house ready for Aidil Fitri. My one surviving grandfather is 92. He's the youngest in his family too, and his elder brothers passed away both of them at age 100+. He's still mischevious, although his engine has definitely slowed down. But their blood ARE in my instruments and their songs in my soul. Its my grandfather's carrying voice that I use in my training. The same voice that can carry across great expanses of the sea between fishing boats has in maktab days carried across the entire field in perbarisan and kawad (go Jupiter!) and is now carrying across training rooms, whether they are 30 people listening or 300. Its my other grandfather's mischiveous nature, agile mind and sense of humor that gives me ideas for games and activities in my training programs. Its my father's analytical nature and my mother's down-to-earth good sense that keeps me grounded. Its my mother's perception and ability to understand the nature of people that allows me to walk in a training room and "feel" what it is that I need to do to gain their attention and trust. Its all of them in me that make me what I am.

We are all of us descended from champions. Masters of their craft, great travelers, warriors and leaders. Go far enough back in history and your geneology and you will find them, so many of them. I am proud to be related to Haji Abdul Rahman Limbung, among others. We have their genes in us. We are capable of being greater champions then them, because we are a combination of all of them. All it takes is the effort and the belief that it is possible to transcend barriers and limitations to achieve all that they have achieved and more.